Letting Go to Level Up: Choosing the Doors That Lead to My Best Self

I wrote this a long time ago. I just now feel comfortable posting it.

Life’s not always a straight line—sometimes it’s a tangled mess of complications. Whether it’s friendships, relationships, business partnerships, or just figuring out what to do on a random Tuesday, the waters can get pretty murky. One minute you’re riding the wave, and the next, you’re caught in an emotional rip current.

Things get even more confusing when you throw personal emotions into the mix. Funny how the people who lift you up can also be the ones who leave you feeling like you’ve been knocked sideways. It’s a cocktail of chaos—business and personal life mixing like oil and water, shaking things up until you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.

Trust me, I’ve got a whole blog post (and a podcast episode) coming on just how messy mixing business with personal life can get. Despite all the red flags, sometimes, you find yourself diving headfirst into that hot mess. Because every once in a while, it works… but mostly, you don’t realize you’re in quicksand until you hear an outside voice, stop, and ask yourself, “What am I even doing here?”

I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to leave doors open. I’m not a fan of cutting people off or shutting them out. A few years ago, though, I had no choice but to close some doors. It wasn’t fun, and for a while, I regretted it. Lately, I’ve cautiously reopened some of those doors, testing the waters with better boundaries this time. But here’s the catch—it’s not as easy as it sounds.

The last time I trimmed people from my life, I promised myself I’d be more selective about who gets in. For the most part, I’ve stuck to that, but sometimes my personal feelings have fogged my judgment. I let my emotions override my logic, and somehow, I let someone slip in to my life and now I’m left wondering what to do next.

To complicate things, this person isn’t just a random figure in my life. They’re important. They’ve helped me grow, opened doors I never even knew existed, and handed me tools to be a better version of myself. In fact, they’ve made me realize that it’s time to let go of people, places, and things that aren’t helping me move forward. The problem? I’m madly, deeply, crazily in love with her.

Yeah, that’s where things get messy.

It all started in a business setting, where we met and quickly became a big part of each other’s lives. We spent more time together than I’ve spent with anyone else in years. I met her family, we volunteered together, worked on projects, and shared a lot of moments that blurred the lines between business and personal.

At first, it seemed like we both thought this friendship might turn into something more. But somewhere along the way, I found myself heading full speed into the friend zone. And while most people might hit the brakes, I had already caught feelings.

We’re an unstoppable team—we push each other, challenge each other, and unlock parts of ourselves we never knew were there. But the deeper we dove into friendship, the further my hopes for something more drifted away.

And here’s the kicker—despite all the boundaries I’ve tried to set, I’m still completely enamored with her. It’s ridiculous, really. I want to spend every spare moment with her, and when we go days without seeing each other, I catch myself missing her more than I’d like to admit. We talk constantly—more than I’ve ever talked to anyone in my life.

We’re in a whirlwind of communication. Teams messages, iMessages, Signal—you name it, we’re on it. Add in nearly daily phone calls, and we’re swapping stories about everything—hopes, dreams, ambitions, the projects we’re building, and the goals we’re chasing. It’s like we’re each other’s sounding boards, day in and day out.

But here’s where it gets real. All this interaction, all these deep conversations, have made me look at my own life with a sharper lens. She’s pushed me to reflect on what I’m doing, what’s actually bringing value to my life, and what’s just cluttering up space. The more we talk about what we’re striving for, the more I question if the things I’m investing my energy in are truly getting me closer to my goals—or just keeping me stuck in place.

But here’s the million-dollar question: Am I spending too much time obsessing over us—our friendship, this maybe-relationship—and not enough time on the things that actually move my life forward? I keep telling myself, “No way, this matters too much.” I mean, it does! This isn’t just a passing thing; she makes me genuinely happy. More than that, she makes me a better person. And I can’t just brush that off as a distraction or something that’s taking me off course.

The truth is, I can’t imagine cutting her out of my life. She means too much. In fact, she’s woven into nearly everything I do—business, activities, volunteering. She’s not just a small piece of my life, she’s a major player. Our lives are so intertwined that removing her would feel like pulling out a thread that unravels everything else. So yeah, I tell myself that caring for her isn’t a waste of time and it’s not keeping me from handling my own goals. But… that nagging voice still lingers, questioning how much balance I’m really keeping.

At the end of the day, I’ve got no one to blame but myself for this whole situation. It’s my own doing. Am I really neglecting things? I’m not even sure. People keep pointing it out—telling me I’m not as productive, that I’ve let things slide. But honestly, I don’t feel like I’m slacking. Then again, maybe I’m not the best judge of my own output. Maybe those outside voices are seeing something I can’t, getting a clearer view of how my work is stacking up from the outside looking in.

The truth is, I control how I spend my time. Is this the most “productive” use of it from a business perspective? Probably not. But on a personal level? It feels so worth it. Still, it comes at a cost. Emotionally, this whole thing has been a drain. I’ve cried over it—more than I’d care to admit—and even though I like to think I’m tough enough to power through, I can’t help but wonder if it’s affecting the quality of my work in ways I’m just not seeing.

So, what’s the game plan here?

I’m closing some doors—on more than just the idea that this friendship could ever be something more. I’m shutting out anything, and anyone, that isn’t helping me move forward with my goals. This entire situation—this friendship, the emotions, and everything wrapped up in it—has opened my eyes to where I need to recalibrate my focus. It’s time to reassess who I’m letting into my world. The people cluttering up my social feeds, the energy-drainers who take and never give back, the users who exploit every ounce of goodwill—they’re all getting cut. I’m done with the distractions and busywork that don’t propel me toward the success I’ve earned, fought for, and absolutely deserve.

At the end of the day, life’s a series of messy experiments. Sometimes you mix the wrong chemicals—business and emotions—and you end up with an explosion. Other times, it’s a perfect formula, and things fall into place like they were meant to. But I’m done with guessing games. I’ve learned a lot from this chapter, and now it’s time to apply the lessons and move forward with clearer priorities and fewer distractions.

The truth is, I don’t have all the answers (who does?), but I’m taking control of what I can. I’m setting some new boundaries, clearing out the mental clutter, and focusing on what truly matters. And yeah, closing some doors—maybe even locking them. Because, as much as I hate shutting people out, I love the idea of opening up more space for the things that actually light me up and drive me toward success.

This isn’t about burning bridges; it’s about choosing which paths are worth walking. And for now, I’m taking the one that leads me to a clearer, more focused, and—dare I say—happier version of myself.

And who knows? Maybe this tangled mess will sort itself out one day. But for now, I’ve got some doors to close and a life to build. Here’s to clarity, cutting loose the emotional dead weight, and chasing the things that actually matter. Onward and upward.